So life had been a little harsh on her lately. Despite of her constant efforts to fight back, nothing really seemed to have changed. She was still the same, fighting the same old battle with the self. This time the reasons were different though. She had to face some harsh revelations and learn some bitter truths about life. But the irony was in the fact that the things she had been wishing for all this while, for which this whole battle was being fought, when those things came to her she realised that she don’t want them anymore. she couldn’t even stand them anymore. Life indeed is a cruel mistress!
For the major part of her life, she sought permanent emotions, continuous friendship, but when they knocked at her door, she wasn’t ready to let them in. The experiences from her past had made her restrained. she wasn’t ready to give in anymore, there wasn’t anything left in her to give away. All that she had was spent on something which wasn’t hers, never been hers. Something delusional, a fantasy that she had almost believed to be her reality.Sometimes the past is something you just can’t let go of. And sometimes the past is something we’ll do anything to forget. And sometimes we learn something new about the past that changes everything we know about the present. She gave all she had to that one illusion in her head from the past, which was the reason for her many sleepless nights. So much so that she didn’t know what else was left in her. All her hopes, dreams and aspirations tied to that one thing which was just a mere fantasy.Too often going after what feels good means letting of what you know is right. And letting someone in means abandoning the walls you took so long to build.And thus it hurts.
It hurts her to know that a majority of her life was hoax. But that’s how life has been for her. The sooner she learns to laugh at it, the better it will be for her. For this journey wasn’t a steady straight path, it was a tale of twists and turns. A bumpy ride which often left her fallen on the ground.
Nobody knows how things will turn out, that’s why they go ahead and play the game. You give it your all, and sometimes amazing things happen, but it’s hardly ever what you expect. But you shouldn’t give up on the game. That’s where amazing things come from. Atleast one can hope that they’ll come. So she tried. She tried again and again. Falling seven times, standing up eight. Not giving up on life, thinking about the unexpected that was in store for her. Life did give her a fair chance of happiness, she took it too. But then something unusual happened. The things that were supposed to make her happy didn’t make her feel anything. The things that were all what she had been struggling for all her life, suddenly seemed dull and futile. And she was left wondering if this is was what she had been chasing all her life. Because if this was it, then she had most certainly outgrown the taste for such pleasures. She said to herself, “this is not what i had wanted. Now that I have all pleasures that one could wish for, I realise they don’t interest me anymore.” Maybe her past had made her so cold that nothing beyond the dull grey world seems to catch the hold of her attention now. Her vulnerability had overpowered her. her misery was the song she sung for the major part of her life. Days, weeks, months were passing by just in numbers for her. Her life was stuck, even though the world was moving she could feel herself right where she had left herself months back. As and when she was attempting to move forward she was revealed to this funny irony, where she realised her whole life had so long been an irony within the irony.
However, despite of whatever she had gone through she still had faith that something extraordinarily will happen to her at some very ordinary moment, and with this conviction she proudly thought, “Perhaps someday I’ll crawl back home, beaten, defeated. But not as long as I can make stories out of my heartbreak, beauty out of my sorrow.”